People-pleasing has a PR problem. It presents itself as kindness, generosity, and consideration for others. It is none of these things. It is the management of other people's emotional states for the purpose of managing your own anxiety.
Where It Comes From
People-pleasing is almost always a learned response to an early environment where approval was conditional and disapproval was dangerous.
Breaking the Pattern
Notice the precursor. People-pleasing begins as a physical sensation — the tightening of the chest, the sudden urge to smooth things over.
Tolerate the discomfort. The anxiety that comes with disappointing someone is real. Practice sitting in that discomfort without acting to relieve it.
Start with small nos. Practice expressing your actual preferences in low-stakes situations.
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